At work. All I’ve done so far is look at Post Secret, text, and now write a short blog.
I woke up after a most fitful and sleepless night and, as per usual, the first thing I do is look at my phone. The time is exactly 6.58. My heart fills with dread as I realise that I am not at work, the coffee shop that is to open in two minutes. There’s prep to be done and nobody else is available to open. The sound on my phone was somehow turned off (though I remember explicitly turning it...
Despite what we think, a polar bear's fur is not...
OMG. for so many reasons.
THE REAL ALIAS
I don’t know if any of you have been wondering what my blog name means. It was just something I thought of at work the other week (before I had a blog). I was thinking that “alias” was a cool word. Then I started thinking about aliases. By some convoluted logic I came to the conclusion that the best alias is who you really are. THEREALALIAS. OMGI’MSUCHAVISIONARY.
I am craving dijon. I just need a sandwich to go with it. Sandwhich. Sandwitch. Sandaweech. Sandwidge. I detest that word.
I haven’t gotten nearly enough sleep and I’ve already had three shots of espresso and it’s not even noon yet. I have had a power bun since 8 am. I just feel so down to earth right now, so in touch with what I think and feel. I got a letter from my fiancee today. I feel like I can be a good person. I can’t wipe this smile from my face. However, I feel that my euphoria is...
I WAS WRONG
There’s no such thing as “limbo.” This is a good thing C:
I am going to have some really awesome stories to tell. When you get old, that’s all you have.
Anonymous asked: YOU CONCEITED WHORE
SEAN IS MY MOST FAVORITE PERSON IN THE WORLD
Last night I asked my mom if she had ever smoked a joint. It’s weird to picture my mom high.
HOT KOOL AID INSPIRED BY JULIAN SMITH scroll down on my page (or on hellojarred.tumblr.com once he has reblogged this) to see the original video. We did this on the first snow of the year. Apologies for the terrible sound quality. I apologise for nothing else.
ozoneboy asked: oh please please please upload a video of hot cool aid.
Anonymous asked: i really like your blog, but please get a background.
with concern, a concerned anon
with concern, a concerned anon
A COSMOTOLOGIST? REALLY? WOW, THAT’S INCREDIBLE! IT MUST BE TOUGH TO...– Navin R. Johnson (The Jerk)
IF MY CALCULATIONS ARE CORRECT
I’ll be working 26 days straight. October 21 - November 16.
You don’t see the benefit of few followers. Let me tell you. No rude anons. Kenzie, FTW.
I kinna panic everytime one of the animals tries to lick me.
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The best part about hitting someone over text message? You can’t miss.
ONE OF THESE DAYS
I’ll make a longer post. I just have an irrational fear of ranting on the Internet.
THAT KOOL AIDE
Friggen turned me into a zombie.
blog about this afternoon? or relish my secret life? My secret life is so relishable, I’ll relish it.
ALWAYS MEAN NOTHING.
It felt so very nice after I screamed like that.
I COULD STAY UP FOR 24 HOURS,
get five hours of sleep and still be on time for work at 12.30.
FOR ONLY GETTING 3 HOURS OF SLEEP
I feel fantastic maybe too fantastic… bordering on deliriously fantastic. I am so awesome. [Insert Barney Stinson GIF of equal or increased awesomeness]
e-lizzy-b: catandmoose: Thanks for telling me you were dying your hair. Boo, you whore. Agree times ten. JARRED RYAN LEAVITT…… HATERS GONNA HATE
I am desperately attempting to construct an impressive and effective college essay. I fear, however, that I may be presenting an inaccurate self-portrait, resulting in the dismissal of my application. The primary contributor to this erroneous depiction is my decision to utilise elevated diction. The alternative is to adopt a casual, conversational tone. Ironically, I fear this would lead to an...