Look At This Fucking Hedonist

Photo

Mon, 20 May 2013 16:38:16 +0100

Photo

Mon, 20 May 2013 07:09:57 +0100

I have watched Fantastic Mr Fox so many times that I just don’t look at it that often and say...

Mon, 20 May 2013 01:02:25 +0100

I have watched Fantastic Mr Fox so many times that I just don’t look at it that often and say the lines along with it. Maybe I need to take a break.

1980’s Businesswoman Comics by Kate Beaton

Mon, 20 May 2013 00:47:58 +0100

1980’s Businesswoman Comics by Kate Beaton

Photo

Sun, 19 May 2013 20:38:22 +0100

allthingseurope: Lübeck, Germany (by kruhme)

Sun, 19 May 2013 18:26:07 +0100

allthingseurope:

Lübeck, Germany (by kruhme)

Photo

Sun, 19 May 2013 18:23:49 +0100

Raw Bullet Post

Sun, 19 May 2013 07:12:46 +0100

Updates on my new job then a spiral into madness.
I love my new job. I love being back behind the counter. My boss is kind of weirdly neurotic but also a complete smart ass. So all my training shifts have been really fun because if I do something a little off he teases me and then I tease him for teasing me and then we’re buds. It helps that he has a good philosophy on coffee. I didn’t think I would get hired at a place that would let their baristas temp. milks by hand. It’s also great because the portafilters don’t have the extra bottom piece so you can look under it and see how the espresso shot pours, if it starts from the side or the centre. So, the coffee is good. The customers are mostly regulars and they are for the most part also smart asses, but generally nice people. I’ve noticed there are many things that bothered me about Mountain Java and Fogglifter that Half Pint doesn’t have. It’s a cute shop, too. It’s really little and in an old, industrial elevator shaft. So there is the frame of the elevator and the counter-weights on one wall, and pretty much the rest of it is windows and vintage coffee machines.
My old job… sucks. It just sucks. I answer the phone all day and I don’t know if it’s just me, but I feel like I can’t understand a word anyone says on the fucking phone. I feel like people just call asking for things that I’m not allowed to do. Like reserve or exchange tickets. I’m sad because the dance company itself is really great and the dancers are great people outside of the office, but I hardly ever see them outside the office and freaking no one likes working in an office. Scheduling has almost always been an issue there. But I will have a valid reason to quit in a few months (either for Burning Man or Uni) so there’s that.
I’ve decided not to do ballet anymore since it hurts my feet too much.
My temper has been flaring up lately. It is probably because I am on my birth control pills until my implant fully kicks in, so I have extra hormones running amok Today was better, I decided that I am not taking the pills anymore. I still got upset with my beau, though.
We have been living in this house for two months and there are boxes and shit everywhere. I feel like I can’t walk around or get anything clean. I am so sick of it. It’s all his stuff and I have to wait for him to get around to putting everything in places. I can’t do any of it myself. So I just have to live in this messy hole until that happens.
I have time to work on my painting, though. But I need to mix more colours since my other ones dried out.
I hate waiting for him to have time. I don’t like talking about all the things we want to do and silently thinking during the conversation that we will never get around to them because it feels like we hardly get around to anything that we want to do.
I am such a fucking pussy for posting this.
I want him to want me as desperately as I want him. Can you love someone as crazy and mean as me, darling? Can you love someone who by nature is possessive? Can you love my anxiety? Miss me for an hour. Ask me what I want for dinner. Do my dishes. Take care of me while I am busy.
I want to do acid. I like acid.
I want to be loving. I want my guilt to go away. I am tired of white guilt. I am tired of being a bad person because I buy something that I need to live and a corporation sold it to me. Why do I have to feel bad about that?! Why do I have to feel bad about anything at all?! Is there really a fucking thing I could do to help anyone in this life? Can anyone help someone? Like in the sense that I should stop what I am doing in life because I could be helping? Help what? I want to be off this grid. But I still love the trees on my street and the grass in the parks. I love the bricks in the old buildings and the amber dust on wavy, old windows. I love trains that cycle the city, I miss the trains that cycled Europe. I miss the empty second story of the train where you could fly on level with trees and higher apartments, and look in as you flew by at the laundry hanging out and the quiet statement of their lives. The apartment facing the train tracks, who cares if someone sees my ass for a split second? The red kettle through the kitchen window. The cat on the balcony.
There are crooked cobbles in the street. They glisten when it rains. No one sues if they fall. The downstairs neighbour brings her fresh eggs while she is on bed rest and gossip over a cup of tea.
I want to get lost in a book again.

I feel awful Sometimes I am not a very good girlfriend.

Sun, 19 May 2013 05:33:13 +0100

I feel awful

Sometimes I am not a very good girlfriend.

lauramcphee: Marion Conrade, c1920s (Alfred Cheney Johnston)

Sun, 19 May 2013 04:30:05 +0100

lauramcphee:

Marion Conrade, c1920s (Alfred Cheney Johnston)

saridipity: i can’t breathe Yeah!

Sat, 18 May 2013 21:45:16 +0100

saridipity:

i can’t breathe

Yeah!

bookshelfporn: ‘tsundoku’ - the Japanese word for buying books...

Sat, 18 May 2013 15:49:05 +0100

bookshelfporn:

‘tsundoku’ - the Japanese word for buying books & not reading them, leaving them to pile up.

Photo

Sat, 18 May 2013 02:03:04 +0100

Four more hours of work. I hope I do not kill anyone.

Fri, 17 May 2013 20:56:17 +0100

Four more hours of work. I hope I do not kill anyone.

This is the part where I don’t know if I feel what I feel or if I am having side affects from...

Fri, 17 May 2013 20:32:02 +0100

This is the part where I don’t know if I feel what I feel or if I am having side affects from being on more hormones.

"But, in certain cases, carrying on, merely continuing, is superhuman."

Fri, 17 May 2013 09:08:40 +0100

“But, in certain cases, carrying on, merely continuing, is superhuman.”

- Albert Camus (via mirroir)

The two of you guys spamming the Office

Fri, 17 May 2013 03:15:02 +0100

I know you aren’t sorry,

but basically I have decided not to catch up on my dash because it is almost completely irrelevant to me now so I am going to do some dishes and make dinner.

Thank you for making me productive.

"How not to panic when you’re made a ghost; Sidle and slide, choose a smooth surd, and coast, Meet..."

Thu, 16 May 2013 19:26:09 +0100

“How not to panic when you’re made a ghost;
Sidle and slide, choose a smooth surd, and coast,
Meet solid bodies and glissade right through,
Or let a person circulate through you.”

- Vladimir Nabokov (via floriental)

Hey guys I am not neurotic. I just feel like that sometimes. Also that post was very possibly the...

Thu, 16 May 2013 18:12:06 +0100

Hey guys I am not neurotic. I just feel like that sometimes.

Also that post was very possibly the result of a mood swing because I am on two birth controls until Monday.

Photo

Wed, 15 May 2013 16:57:34 +0100